I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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