What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
