also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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