guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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