She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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