home. puking in laundry basket.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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