I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
