my soul wont recognize me after tonight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
