even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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