Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
