so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
