based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
