Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
