Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
