you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
