i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
4 words: hood of his car
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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