like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
