and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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