Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
