I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
tell me about the fingering
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
