We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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