god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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