All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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