why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
