Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
