We won't sleep together?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
