i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
