Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
