She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
