he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
