i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
