would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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