Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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