the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
