There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
