dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
