You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
