just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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