3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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