i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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