Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
