Princesses don't give blow jobs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I need to sanitize my soul.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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