Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you inspire me to be a worse person
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
