I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
