i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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