It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
