You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
