Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
