Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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