she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
