Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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